15 Months



Oh, sugar bean you are 15 months old!

(Yes, momma is very late with this one, seeing how you will be 16 months tomorrow.)

An equally appropriate alternative title for this post to you would be "Belly Buttons & Birds." You are obsessed with both of these things lately and it warms my being to see your little soul break out in fits of flutters whenever you see either of these wonderful phenomenons. According to you, belly buttons are so hilarious they deserve a round of giggles with each viewing and birds are such magnificent creatures that they might as well be unicorns soaring seamlessly in the sky. I love this about you; already finding the magic in the every day details.

You are now walking all around, with sass and confidence to boot. It is a big relief to me as you were indulging in that signature "Sookie scoot" of yours and I began to worry about the state of your hips and bones. At your 15 month checkup we addressed this concern with Dr. G and he reassured us you were okay. Momma can't help but go over every detail of your health with a fine tooth comb; it is my nature. I truly embrace it as an entirely separate miracle that you are healthy. It is such a monstrous blessing on top of everything else; it is like ten million cherries atop an already more than perfect sundae.

You, a year ago.


Look how much you have grown!?

I love it.

I refuse to be sad that you are growing up. I see so many mommas complain about their kids getting older, but I wish we could all treasure the gift of time and life. Wouldn't that be a revolution to behold? Because it means you are healthy enough to do so: grow, blossom, learn new things, discover your talents, your preferences, you are strong; because it is the secret of life and every minute you embrace as it is happening makes the future that much sweeter to watch unfold.

Hang On Little Tomato

Currently I am indulging in too many vices; a Diet Coke, a strawberry shake from our favorite local place, and the Summer 2011 Stella & Dot Lookbook. (Want one? Send me your address and I will get one in the mail to you. ;)

Keep in mind, about 6 weeks ago I realized deleting Diet Coke from my daily habits might be a good choice for everyone involved; namely me, myself, and my poor destroyed stomach. I've been doing really well with only a few slip ups, but tonight I fell off the wagon again.


Yes, I blatantly stole this blog title from the Pink Martini song. It felt fitting for this week and the past several. Alternate titles I contemplated for this post? "Finding Balance On A Roller Coaster" and "Authentic Self". After yet another doctor appointment today I realized I have more of an easier time staying true to my authentic self when the waters of my life are calm. The more stress that piles on and the fear and worry swirling, well they pull me farther and farther away from who I really am at my core.


This afternoon, R went to work, my mom went home and I nestled back into my greatest role as momma. The weight of the week pressed heavy on me and I wanted to curl up and nap all afternoon. Instead, I powered through the seemingly endless fatigue and took my girl to the park. Just the two of us.

We are all friends here, right?

Can I confess that Wednesday I was so happy to find out I don't have lupus (or any other auto-immune disease) that I didn't even mind fishing Sookie poop out of the bathtub. Seriously, I didn't! I was just so thankful for all the gross mommy stuff I get to do.

Needless to say this week was a big wake up call and I am grateful. Oh so grateful. It is easy to throw your hands in the air and have a pity party when you face hurdles, but at the end of the day, we are all so lucky.

Sorry, this post (and my emotions) are all over the map.

And two quick housekeeping items to share with you;

1) Stella & Dot is having a fabulous sale until Tuesday!


Happy Memorial Day Weekend! Celebrate in style – get 20% off select bestsellers we’re saying goodbye to, May 26-30. PLUS, we’re also offering a complimentary silk base in red or aqua (so gorgeous with your favorite charms!) with any $125 purchase – add to your bag, and enter code MEMDAY at checkout. Act now, all remaining items return to regular price on Tuesday, May 31st. Shop HERE

2) I'm nominated for June's Blog of the month over at For The Love Of Blogs.
The poll is on the right hand side (when looking at your screen).
I would absolutely love it if you could take a few seconds to vote for me over there!

Thank you SO much.

Sookie says night night:



I love her so. ;)


On my agenda for the next few days?
}} Enjoy a few days with no doctor appointments. Woohoo!
}} Pedicure and lunch with some of my favorite gals.
}} A viewing of The Hangover 2
 
Wishing you the happiest of weekends.

I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner.

I'm thinking about life tonight; the big stuff, the life altering doctor visits I've experienced over the years, the different verdicts of diagnosis that have blanketed my ears and the lumps they have all left in my throat. I'm thinking about how one smile from Sookie changes my whole outlook. I'm thinking about how she knows more about life than I do. I'm thinking about how I am proud as a peacock that she is this outstandingly perfect blend of both of best and boldest traits and that someone filled with that breed of blindingly bright light will no doubt do big things not only for others but in her own life. She is our little rock star.





It gets hard sometimes to keep up with this blog when I have health obstacles; it is all I can do to make sure Little Miss's needs are met, that I'm being gentle with my own soul so I can feel better, and that I'm kind of sort of a little bit staying on top of household duties. I always want to be real here but I also wish to always be radiating sunshine, which isn't always the case. It is an exercise in balance. So there is that; I've been utterly exhausted and experiencing weird circulation issues in my legs and hands; it feels like someone is pouring cold water on my legs, my veins feels like they are on fire too and I'm pushing doctors until someone can find out what is going on. You would think I would be used to this type of advocating for myself by now, but in all honesty, it gets so old. I was very upset yesterday but I think I need to find some inner peace and hope this is simply another bump in my medical journey, as opposed to a mountain.

The above quote is one of favorites of all time; particularly happy girls are the prettiest girls. The other day R came home and I think the second he walked in the door he knew I was having a not so wonderful day. We decided to have a little family date of dinner and a trip to Target. I attempted to do something with my hair and became incredibly frustrated with my baby bangs that just don't want to cooperate. I might have thrown a temper tantrum that could rival a three year old's. And do you know what Sookie did? She softly placed a hand of hers on each side of my face, cupped my chin with her wrists, and babbled some oh so eloquent sounding syllables. I laughed. I cried. It was as if she was telling me to calm down and stop getting so riled up over something so silly as hair. I drew from it an "it is okay momma." And wham, just like that I'm cradling her, rubbing her back, kissing her sweet head and embracing her wise almost 16 month old heart that is always looking above and beyond the little annoyances of life to the big joys and simultaneously letting her hands swim in the beauty of the every day.

xo.
{t}

Apricot Lane

I have a new favorite store.

Apricot Lane in Provo, at Riverwoods.

Seriously, have you been there yet?!


 {photo credit: lovestitched}

A few weeks ago I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and attended a Utah Bloggers Meetup held here. I am a shy person if I don't know you and I didn't know anyone who would be attending, but I still went and I am oh so glad that I did!

Even though I had never heard of Apricot Lane before I fell instantly in love in what they offer and what they are about. They are a boutique and therefore your items are going to be unique; they only carry a few of each size in each style. I LOVE that in this day of wanting to truly express yourself with your clothing. They had a little bit of everything for everyone. The ladies of Apricot Lane were so sweet to us and spoiled us with yummy cupcakes!

Apricot Lane offers darling summer dresses, killer jeans, cute shoes, fabulous purses, funky jewelry and more!

Here are a few things I picked up!

Adore this yellow and gray dress and the music necklace. I definitely feel like I'm channeling Penny Lane while wearing this! :)





White ruffle tank and tiger fairy necklace.

Yes, I said tiger fairy necklace. How cool is that?! I fell in instant and overwhelming love!



How gorgeous is this bracelet that was tucked inside our gift bags?

I love how it is stunning alone...



Or stacked with other yummy arm candy



You can find Apricot Lane on:


Address:
Apricot Lane
4801 N. University Avenue
Provo, UT, 84604
801.224.4432

Store hours:
Monday to Saturday: 10 am - 9 pm
Sunday: Closed




I will definitely be visiting this magnificent store a lot this summer! And you should too! Even if you aren't local, they have stores all across the country.


Hope your Thursday is filled with the most wonderful things.
xox.

Do Good. Give Good. BE Good.

Can I be brutally honest for a minute?

It doesn't feel nice to hear of another young adult's death from Cystinosis at 30; especially when you are a 27 year old woman who is absolutely and utterly in love with every single breath your 15 month old daughter takes. Okay it feels much less than nice, but I'm going to refrain from the expletives today.

However.

Instead of throwing a pity party and freaking out about my own mortality with the news, I'm using it all to push me forward. And you know what? Amazing things are happening! As a part of my guest post over at The Shine Project, I am holding a fundraiser for the Cystinosis Research Network. Simply go to my site http://www.stelladot.com/sites/tahnie in the upper right hand corner click on 'Find your hostess' and enter Cystinosis Research Network. I will donate 50% of the profits directly to CRN! From now until Saturday night midnight Mountain Time.

Even better?

Three to die for items are all 20% off from now until Wednesday night! Use code GRAD at checkout.











Questions? Let me know!

xoxo.

Confessions

 
...just like she's walking on a wire in the circus... 
she has trouble acting normal when she's NERVOUS
{counting crows; round here}

 Necklace: Apricot Lane
Sandals: Aerosoles



Confessions...


I'm finding bold inspiration in a bizarre mixture of songs today (but that isn't really out of the ordinary); Counting Crows; Round Here, Chamillionaire; Good Morning, and Wilson Philips; Hold On. R discovered the Chamilionaire and I have to admit, it is a good wake up get going song. And Wilson Phillips? Well, we saw Bridesmaids Saturday night. ;)

 I cry every time I drive past the hospital where Sookie was born.

Sometimes I purposely go to the park without the baby safe swings so that I have an excuse to put Sookie on my lap and swing myself.

I feel like I was a much better nanny than I am a mom.

After going almost 4 weeks without Diet Coke I broke down the other day. I cannot begin to describe how awful I felt; further motivation to stick.with.it. I'm drinking lots of green tea lately.

I cannot figure out how to balance everything in my life. I don't want to admit this. I've had long enough to figure out a system and I just...haven't. My laundry? My laundry is like this evil being that multiplies every time I neglect it to go to the bathroom or do dishes.

I listen to Sookie's cd of kid songs sometimes when it is just me in the car. Who knew belting out Do You Know The Muffin Man is almost as liberating as doing the same with Lady Gaga's Born This Way. Almost, but not quite.

Last week I wore a yellow dress. I happened to glance at myself in the mirror, Sookie on my hip, said dress making me look a little pregnant (I'm not), for split seconds I fell madly and strongly in love with a world where this leap made sense. I tumbled down the rabbit hole with visions of of a growing belly and a toddler at my side, sisters close in age who share toys, laughter, kisses, popsicles and fairy wands. The kicker of all of this is that it is such the norm around here, and yet not a reality for us. I'm learning to accept that. I'm not going to ache for the sea when I have miles and miles of mountains. (Thank you Damien Rice for your eloquency.) I'm not going to miss the brilliant shades of yellow I get because I sometimes daydream about what green hues would be like to live.

Little Miss S has a doctor appointment today and we need to ask him about some issues she's having with walking. I'm nervous but trying to maintain a peace within, even if it ends up being an obstacle, she will be okay. Send some love our way? Thank you.

Life Is Short; See The Joy & SHINE

This is a stepping stone
on my little blogging journey.

Celebrate with me?
 I am...
honored
excited
and beyond
nervous
to tell you
my first guest post is UP
over at 


Thank you so
SO much
to Ashley for giving me
some words on her revolutionary blog!
:)

Happy happy Sunday.
Our weekend was filled with blue skies,
buckets of laughter,
and the hilarious
Bridesmaids.
xoxo! 


Our Little World

I'm grateful for this juggling game. This race against no one but myself.

----------------------

Saturdays are typically my sleep in days while R takes over parenting duties for a little bit. But a few weekends ago I had visions of a petite redhead meeting the Easter Bunny for the first time. I don't like to glance at mortality, let alone shake hands with her and make polite pleasantries, but sometimes you have to drag your ass out of bed to take your daughter to meet the Easter bunny, just in case.

We braved the rain, the cold and a 45 minute drive, but it was so worth it.





I was tickled she didn't have a meltdown, but was rather perplexed. Not so tickled the Easter Bunny is covering up her outfit I carefully put together, but c'est la vie.


We hid under bright red baskets at Chipotle. Her little grin is so precious to me.




We wore raincoats decorated with cheery daisies.





I loved our day of grooving as our family of 3. I've had over a year to digest this new picturesque reality and yet it still feels so triumphant to type; each time the bold truth of it settles a little deeper into my soul.

I make note of this spunky team we've created with our girl and I smile at how we all contribute threads separately that are woven together to build our lives and make us all stronger as individuals. (& it is funny how a trip to Target makes me see this.)

We climb into bed for a nap and I take careful mental snapshots of it all. S softly following the line of daddy's eyelashes with her fingertips, how we are all so close that our unique scents mingle and crash into each other to form the smell of a family, that is together, no matter what. Each fragrance is tied to a specific memory; and there is nothing stronger than that. I bask in and take note of these little moments, that really aren't so little.

Happy Weekend!
(p.s. - I did my best to recreate this entry because blogger ate the original one. Of course it won't be exactly the same, but it was important for me to try. It was such a sweet day.)

My Girl Tuesday: Kate Hudson

My girl Tuesday was the fantastic idea from my partner in crime, Miss Shelby of shelbylately.com
As she put it, "I suffer from too many girl crushes to count, so every Tuesday I'm going to share one with you."

Such a marvelous idea, I only wish I would have come up with it myself. I'm working on convincing her to do a link up of it every Tuesday! Wouldn't that be fun? ;)


Kate Hudson


I first fell head over heels for Kate when I saw her in Almost Famous the weekend of my Make A Wish trip way back when. It was the perfect setting and circumstances to view said movie, as I had come to the teenage conclusion my only wish in life was to travel to a different country (hey, Canada is another country) to meet three blonde boys from Tulsa, Oklahoma. Well, Canada wasn't exactly part of my wish but a very important person who had to be with me on that trip lives there so it is kind of kismet how it all worked out.

I'm getting off track. One of these days I will write about the whole entirely magical experience and how my dad was nearly arrested because he was simply trying to make it as memorable as possible for me. Haha, I kid you not! ;)

Kate Hudson. Yes, I do have quite the girl crush on her. So much so that I continually forgive her for all of the horrible movies she continues to do since her stunning performance as Penny Lane in Almost Famous. Now that is love, baby. Honestly she was enigmatic as the queen of the bandaids and I haven't seen her even come close since. But I think that her oscar nominated role was so filled with fabulous-ness that it makes up for all of the mediocre parts that have followed.

One of my favorite scenes; it gives me chills.



Kate, I will continue to love you no matter how many awful movies you do because you captured what it is to truly love some silly little piece of music, or some band, so much that it hurts and you reminded us (in our oh so delicate and hormone laden adolescence) to ...never take it seriously, if you never take it seriously, you never get hurt, if you never get hurt, you always have fun, and if you ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends.

What Motherhood Has Done For Me


I loved yesterday, we didn't have to do any spectacular or grand to make it special, but honestly it is the every day moments that hold so much weight in my heart; a fabulous bubble bath with my girl, a chick flick with my momma, the scent of fresh flowers, a pink Beatles coffee cup with the reminder All you need is love. I am lucky that Rory is so crazy supportive, and that I am endlessly inspired by Sookie to the point that every day feels like Mother's Day. The monumental thoughts keep coming at me every day and I realize again and again each morning the scope of what her life can be and everything that it will be. She is attracted to happiness and light much like her Daddy and that in and of itself is my reminder to let the mommy guilt evaporate in the air when it becomes too heavy for me to take.

Motherhood has not only expanded my world, but changed how I see everything. I am more aware of my own actions; when you have someone watching every move you make and when there is a little being so intricately connected to your own feelings, you are much more meticulous about how you let (or don't let) others' actions affect your attitude and your aura.

Motherhood is not a sacrifice, it is a privilege. Yes, it might be the hardest thing you will ever do, and our work is never ending but we are so unbelievably lucky to get to raise the little souls who were matched to ours in some way or another; biological or by fate.

To Sookie on my 2nd Mother's Day: You make every day brighter, make me want to build your childhood with magic, compassion, and tiny slivers of reality mixed in simply to keep you on your toes; because of you I can dream bigger and better...and I do.

Five Minute Friday: Motherhood Should Come With...

Yes, I'm doing Five Minute Friday on Sunday, because I'm a rule breaker like that. Well behaved women rarely make history... right? What is Five Minute Friday you ask? It is a fabulous little exercise the brilliant Gypsy Mama started and basically she throws out a subject and we all go wild with it, but only for five minutes. We don't worry about editing, grammar, spelling, we let our hearts speak and embrace what they have to say.

Try it. It is incredibly liberating.





---------------------------------

Motherhood should come with...

The knowledge your instinct is always right, the smarts to do what works for you and not care what anyone else thinks, endless energy, boundless patience, and a heart much bigger than your own to hold all of the love that overflows, every minute, every day...the kind of love that shows you what it really can be, in all of it's glory.

Motherhood should come with a stop watch, for they grow up entirely too too fast. True, I was scared beyond belief to bring home a five pound angel, but now I miss holding her when she was that little.

Motherhood should come with four years of college in Child Development classes, because even though I do have that, sometimes I feel utterly overwhelmed.

Motherhood should come with tea sets, fairy wands, bubbles, sidewalk chalk, but most importantly the skill to focus on all of those things and only those things, the ability to let the rest of the world fall away when you are playing with your child. Play is crucial to development. Play is how they learn about the world. Play is love. Play is life.
----------------------------------

I have so much to look forward to, and yet much pulling me back in the now, where it is so imperative I remain grounded in the minutes that I'm currently in.

Here's to a magical week.

- t

Today




Today I was softly brought to alertness from a calm sleep by two tiny little hands rubbing mine; and I could imagine her mind wanting so strongly to form the whispers of "Wake up momma, I miss you." But she couldn't, so she willed her hands to carry out the next best thing.
 
Today I needed an excuse to eat massive amounts of ketchup, so I made myself a breakfast sandwich with a whole wheat sandwich thin bun, scrambled eggs, and a patty of pretend sausage. (aka morning star sausage) and yes, a ridiculous helping of ketchup.

Today I had crazy dance parties with Sookie, and we chased Jack around the house in bursts of playful spirits and lively giggles.

Today I did way too much laundry.

Today I didn't care about my ghostly pale legs (hey, I AM a natural redhead thankyouverymuch), and wore a skirt anyway.

Today I had a good hair day. Sometimes, just sometimes, my waves hit their best and I embrace them.

Today I went to lunch at a new place in town with Little Miss, R, and my parents. The food was less than amazing, but they had a little room of games and Sookie was enraptured by the lights and the noise. For a minute I let myself get caught up in the ridiculous notion of trading money for paper for cheap toys. But there is something fun about that exchange. So much more interesting than just buying the items outright.

Today I felt my heart become heavy with unexpected sadness. The world lost a wonderful, kind hearted man full of zest and a lively thirst for all of the adventures life offers us. He was a dear family friend who became so close to all of us, that he was family.

Today I forced this news to catapult me forward, beyond all the fears inhabiting my soul lately. I must stop throwing pity parties when I think about not being here to watch Sookie grow up. The reality is, NONE OF US know how long we will be here. Such a solid truth, yet difficult to grasp.

Today I put myself out of my comfort zone and went to a Utah Bloggers Meetup, even though I did not know anyone that was going to be there. I met some beautiful and amazingly strong women and I am so glad I ended up going!

Today I watched my girl take her wobbly steps and wanted to cry in the pure beauty of it all.

Today I ate a cupcake, popcorn, and frozen junior mints for dinner. Because life is too short.

What did you do today? :)

What I'm Loving Wednesday

So much beauty in the world...I'm going to focus on all of it instead of the silly little breakdown I had at story time with Sookie this morning. Because that's how I am, one minute I'm worried about earth shattering notions such as mortality, and the next I'm raving about Peep brand lip gloss I discovered in the dollar bin at Target several weeks ago. It is wacky, but that is me.

Just a little note, the places I've linked to are where I've purchased things and I simply wanted to spread the love. :)





I'm loving playing fetch with this sweet guy. He has been having a lot of jealousy issues with Sookie lately and I feel bad for him. He loves her so much, but he also gets incredibly irritated with her. I have been making a conscious effort to give him more one on one time while little girl is napping. He was my best buddy when I was on bed rest the last several weeks of my pregnancy; I think he is still adjusting to not being the center of attention at all times.




I'm loving the Fresh Lime from Taco Amigo. It has always been a favorite and while I do enjoy Purple Turtle's version and Sonic's version as well, there is something about theirs that is a perfection of bubbles.



I'm loving my Peeps brand lip gloss from the dollar bin at Target (as stated previously :wink:) as much as I'm loving my bare escentuals lip gloss.



I'm loving this spunky purple gal of a pup I picked up at Bijou Market a few weeks ago.



 I'm loving my Gussy bag! I have been patiently waiting for this beauty to arrive and I have to be honest, it is just to die for silly beyond gorgeous in person! The craftsmanship Maggie puts into these bags is superb. You can tell they are made with lots of love. I am going be using mine as a combination purse for me and diaper bag for Sookie Monster. It holds a ton and yet is lightweight and doesn't constantly slide off my shoulder. I'm obsessed! :)



I'm loving my whimsical owl necklace from Stella & Dot. Even better? From now through Friday, May 6th, it is 50% off! It is so fun for summer and I love his green eyes.



I'm loving this darling bird I fell in love with also at Bijou Market. I want to put it in Sookie's room, which just happens to be a Fairy Garden. :)



I'm loving the buzz of activities I have going on with one of my passions, the Cystinosis Research Network. It is an incredibly busy time of year for all of us on the Board of Directors and I'm so honored to be a hand in all that we do. Our big family conference is in July in San Francisco. I'm also busy with preparing for the C. H. Robinson Cystinosis Research Charity Golf Tournament that happens at Thanksgiving Point in Lehi, Utah. I wanted to take a moment and say if you are in the area and are a golfer, or know a golfer who would be interested, we are looking for a few more teams to golf at Thanksgiving Point! In addition, we are seeking item donations for our raffle that is held after the golf tournament is over. My heart is touched with the response we have received so far from generous Etsy and handmade boutiques online who have donated product or credit to their wonderful shops! Our cause is so small (about 500 people in the U.S. have the disease) we are not granted any goverment funding for research. If you would love to help out, please contact me at tahnie(at)gmail(dot)com Thank you so much!


Smile!
It is Wednesday! :)
xoxo.

Pockets of Joy

My pockets of joy lately?

I watched The Royal Wedding.
Live.

Why?
My hips felt like they were on fire. (Yes, still, no relief in site. It makes me feel...well yeah. Let's not go there.) I couldn't sleep comfortably. I had my own little princess sleeping soundly in her bed and I want her to grow up remembering to celebrate things instead of criticizing or complaining about them. I don't necessarily want her childhood to be a cascade of ridiculous notions about a prince coming to save her, I would like to instill the knowledge she is strong enough to save herself. I know these words and my actions might not make sense, but they do a perfect dance in my own nonsensical head.

Feeling inspired by the snow on Saturday morning instead of whining about it. Letting the delicious veggie omelet I threw together with mushrooms and tomatoes further fuel my gratefulness for snow in April. Hey, there are worse things in the world. Our day was filled with tiny nuggets of bliss, a quiet house, a napping babe, relishing in every last word of 'Real Simple' magazine while R did some work for Appdicted.

Sookie deciding to take 4 1/2 hours worth of naps on Saturday was revolutionary. This is a day that should be marked down in history. This is the same little one who has had such a hard time with naps for so long. She's getting into a new phase and the fact I'm reveling in it and sharing on the blog will probably mean she will be back to one twenty minute nap next week.

Our little family date of going to the pet store, dinner at Rumbi, and a trip to Target. She is quite the little wiggle worm lately and oh boy I was glad for R's help at Target. I found a cutesy polka dot shirt for $7. Score. Shallow? Yes. Very much so. But score nonetheless.

This laugh:



We call it her George Bush laugh. I think it is the greatest.

Yes, I have way too many shampoo and conditioner bottles in my shower. It is a problem. We will talk about it in a later post. Of course it has nothing to do with the fact I like to be in control and have a million different choices available to me at any given moment. ;)

These are the microscopic things and sometimes the not so microscopic things I cling to when the earth seems too harsh for my spirit.

Sookie wishes you a happy Monday...
& also, peace, love, & camo.
(according to her hat)
(I'm not a fan of pink camo, but Poppa bought it and he was so overcome with such a child-like high to give it to her, I simply had to oblige.)